In
the Midnight Hour
Gary Gungrabber: "You don't have a gun, huh? Well,
what will you do when someone breaks into your house some night
with a gun?"
Me: "Are you saying we need to keep guns out of the hands of
criminals? That we need gun registration and background checks
for all?"
GG: "No, pussy, I mean, what will you do when it happens?"
Lefty: "How do you know how often such a thing even occurs? The
Republicans won't allow the government to maintain data on gun
crimes."
GG: "Answer the question!"
Lefty: "What if I have a big dog in the yard and a security system?"
GG: "I'm not talking about those!"
Lefty: "Suppose I had a pistol and he had an assault rifle."
GG: "Then YOU need an assault rifle."
Lefty: "But what if he's wearing bulletproof armor?"
GG: "Then you, uhh..."
Lefty: "What if my neighbor has a gun and sees the guy climbing
in my window and shoots the guy first?"
GG: "That never hap-..."
Lefty: "It actually has. And the neighbor got away with murdering
a teenager."
GG: "Are you..."
Lefty: "What if we start treating drug abuse as a disease instead
of a crime and decriminalize drugs? Why don't we guarantee a
minimum income for all Americans? Why don't we get rid of stock
options for CEOs and base their salaries on performance, not
profits, so that they'd be more inclined to generate jobs? What
if we do all we can
to eliminate the economic need to steal?"
GG: "Answer. The Question."
Lefty: "Fine. Assuming I hear him come in I'll yell 'TAKE THE
TV! IT'S TOO SMALL ANYWAY. BESIDES, I'VE GOT INSURANCE. SAY HELLO
TO YOUR MOTHER FOR ME. I'M GOING BACK TO SLEEP NOW.'"
GG: "Why wouldn't you want to confront him?"
Lefty: "Do the math. He can take my TV and leave OR He
can shoot me and leave OR I can shoot him and keep the TV and
forever know that I shot and killed someone, or...."
GG: "Or?"
Lefty: "Or we can restrict the usage of guns to well-regulated
militias."
GG: "Man! Where do you GET this shit?"
---------
You can tell that men wrote the dictionary because the antonyms
of "virginity" are:
Corrupt
Defiled
Dirty
Lewd
Unchaste
and Wanton
Plus "dictionary" begins with dick. Sort of.
If women wrote the dictionary the antonym of "virginity" might
be "About time!".
---------
"Everybody loves Black Panther, although I'm told it's also
the name of Betty White's favorite vibrator. I read it in Parade
Magazine." - Nathan Lane
-----------
The last word goes to Gary Cohn, t-Rump's ex-economic advisor;
"It's worse than you can imagine. An idiot surrounded by
clowns. Trump won't read anything - not one-page memos, not the
brief
policy papers; nothing. He gets up halfway through meetings with
world leaders because he is bored. And his staff is no better.
Kushner is an entitled baby who knows nothing. Bannon is an arrogant
prick who thinks he's smarter than he is. Trump is less a person
than a collection of terrible traits. No one will survive the
first year but his family. I hate the work, but feel I need to
stay because I'm the only person there with a clue what he's
doing. The reason so few jobs have been filled is that they only
accept people who pass ridiculous purity tests, even for midlevel
policy-making jobs where the people will never see the light
of day. I am in a constant state of shock and horror." -
Excerpted "From Fire and Fury" by Michael Wolff.
=Lefty=
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